rant ep 20: is it ok to cry?

assalamualaikum, dearest friends...

it's post exam and like always,..i felt like a douche bag who had just ruined her life by not studying enough for the exam and had failed to answer properly..

and like always, i left the ward smiling..

smiling on the outside but bleeding on the inside...

came back to maidam and discover mat lutfi's latest video which was damn awesome...

talking about him graduating and stuff...giving advice how he survive the period..

and left an impression...

"if you feel lazy to study, call your mum, you'll be re-inspired after that"

makes me jealous...

i rarely call maa and pour out all my problems,,

because i feel like it's selfish to add the burden on her..

i mean, maa also had serious trouble she had to handle right?

so, the big question is??

is it ok to call her and cry, whining about my life when i know maa's was not a bed of roses either...

i mean, well, she is my dearest maa..

which mean, i had the privilege of calling her and let go of all the misery out of me..

especially when she had alot of experience in life..

eventhough maa probably never had the same experience, but she is my maa afterall,

.....

but still, i had that doubt in mind...

because i really, really loves her..

and i don't want her to worry about me..

and knowing my mum, when she gets worried, she get attached to it and start to get disturbed by it..

and to make my maa getting obsessively worry about me, ..will be the last thing i want to do

~at the end of writing this, i still strongly believe i should not call her and whines..sheessh~

beauty

assalamualaikum..

"sesungguhnya Allah itu cantik dan sukakan kecantikan.."

i came across this lovely poster by brotherhood arts...

Islam..

does not belong to any race...

not even to arabian, even if Islam started there..

it does not change your nationality, nor your race...

it just change the way you life,..

for Islam is a deen, a way of life...

go and see a group of muslims performing solah,

and you can find all skin color...white, black, asians..

because Islam does not belong to any nationality..

you can be chinese, yet still a muslim,..

you can be african-american, yet still a muslim

you can be indian, yet still a muslim...

you can be a thousand other races, yet still a muslim

you can still celebrate a cultural celebration as along as it has nothing to do with other religion..

to come home for chinese new year and share a big bowl of food with your family even if they're not muslim (make sure the food is halal)..

happy holiday people~~

may Allah give us strength..

rant ep 19: rindu giler!!

assalamualaikum and howdy, peps..
hello world!!!seyes lama tak menconteng arang  ke muka belog kesayangan ini...
tak cukup kaki tangan nak menulis..(alangkah best kalau ade byk tangan cam octopus..haha,mesti buruk kan??)..

well, saje je nk meroyan..*actually sgt jeles dgn org yg boleh update belog post*
i got writer's block for the past few months since i got into clinical years..aku nk otak kanan aku balik!! huhu..rasa cam dah takde perasaan sekarang nie...

mana taknya, belom pejabat-ly (note: officially) jadik doktor, tapi kalau tengok luka n darah, tak rasa apa2 pom..cam tengok kertas exam je..waaa..

ok, bosan la asyik citer pasal benda kat hospital..dah muak!!eheh, tpi still kena jejak kaki ke sana esok pagi..duhh

nk citer, hari tu kol mak, after almost 1 month balik kampus,,..sejak balik dari rumah hari tu, hak tu first time skali kol ma..ma macam marah la *memang marah da pom, cuma tak tinggi suara jek*

ma kata, "oo..ade lagi anak aku sorang jie, ingat takde dah"..huhu,sentap
aku mintak maaf je la, then ma kato "ehmm, nak maafkan ke tak ye?"..amboi ma, mati kena langgar lori anak awak nie kalau ma tak ampunkan..

moral of the storey,..betapa kita nie selalu leka dengan kehidupan, sampai lupa ngan orang yang dekat, ma kot..*tpi in my case, coz aku memang sangat "rajin" top-up fon...* entah, i feel empty sekarang nie...

hidup hanya diwarnai dengan kolor putih white kot and biru warna baju tidur..kitaran bodoh yg berulang2 tiap-tiap hari sampai mual nak muntah hijau dah..aku nak life aku balik before i ruined it...before i destroyed my feelings and thoughts to others who deserve it....

nak kejar balik impian berkobar-kobar nak jadik surgeon, nak balik jadik anakabahman yang sangat suka main-main *kacau orang kat bilik* , nak berfoya2 merempit masa hujung minggu dengan beh fren.. nak pi jaulah sampai oversea (thinking of indonesia, duit..$$$)..nak pi rehlah ngan geng omar semua, nak jumpa ustaz salam, nak terbang tinggi....

tapi kenapa...masa asyik dibazirkan..tak tahu untuk apa..nak kata..
study?, of kos la tak..
main game? laptop dah jarang bukak..
tido? mungkin la kot..
tapi macam tak best dah...nak nikmati dan isi masa muda dengan benda yang aku akan ingat sampai tua...

huhu...giler sedih punyer post... lantak la nak kata apa... bukan ada orang baca pun

rant ep 18: ado sobabnyoo~~

salam,...
asif kerana telah terlalu lama blog ini ditinggal tanpa calitan kata (ewahh, mcam la ada yang rindu)
tak nak cakap banyak pun..just nak conteng sajak je...ohohi(if this is eligible to even be called as poem)

ADA SEBABNYA..
nukilan: anakabahman

ada sebabnya,..
kenapa dulu aku terasa nak masuk UIAM untuk berubah,
tapi Allah kirimkan aku ke bumi KMNS...
RUPANYA
di sana aku belajar apa itu bulatan gumbira

ada sebabnya..
kenapa aku terasa nak jadik AJK surau,
walhal aku bukannya pernah jadik kaki surau
RUPANYA
di situ aku bergaul dengan mereka yg baik-baik

ada sebabnya,..
kenapa Allah bagik result cemerlang (in my opinion) masa semester 1
tapi result sem 2 aku teruk.
RUPANYA..
Allah nak tunjuk akibat aku ponteng usrah

ada sebabnya,..
aku diberi peluang melanjutkan pelajaran ke Indonesia dan India dengan pinjaman MARA,
tapi terhalang untuk memenuhi kehendak maa yg tak mampu berjauhan dengan anak bongsu yg tak berapa manja ni..
RUPANYA..
Allah dah rencanakan supaya aku dapat masuk UniSZA dengan tajaan penuh JPA..

ada sebabnya...
kenapa aku tercampak ke bumi Terengganu
walau hajat di hati nak belajar kat Key El..
RUPANYA..
sebab Allah nak jaga supaya istiqamah dalam beramal since t'ganu tak banyak distraction..

ada sebabnya..
kenapa Allah menghantar mereka2 yang 'menjerat' aku ke dalam bulatan ini..
walhal aku bukanlah stok sekolah agama..
RUPANYA..
Allah memberiku peluang ke-2 untuk berubah..

ada sebabnya..
kenapa aku dipilih menjadi seorang naqibah (peluh besar, sesak nafas)..
walhal aku bukan hafal dalil dan hadis..
RUPANYA....
Allah memberiku peluang untuk melaksanakan tanggungjawab syahadah ku

ada sebabnya,..
kenapa Allah memilih aku untuk membawa adik2 ke bulatan comel ini..
walhal aku belum mampu meninggalkan jahiliyyah..
RUPANYA..
Allah memberi aku  'fast tract' untuk berubah kerana aku bergerak lebih laju hanya bila di-push

ada sebabnya...
untuk semua yang berlaku dalam hidupku..

ada sebabnya,..
setiap pengalaman pahit itu..

ada sebabnya,..
setiap kepayahan meninggalkan keseronokan..

ada sebabnya,..
aku berdiri dan bernafas pada kadar 12 nafas/minit...

RUPANYA..
Allah sedang membimbingku supaya nanti aku tidak menyesal sewaktu dibicarakan di mahkamah akhirat..

*percayalah, anda tidak akan mampu mencari kenapa setiap perkara berlaku...
sampai suatu masa, anda sedar yang apa yg berlaku, rupanya ada hikmahnya..
kan Allah tu maha Mengetahui...of kos la Dia dah plan dengan cantiknya..

p/s: pesanan syeikh nuruddin kat tv al-hijrah hari tu
"anda masih nak bersuka ria, sedangkan saudara kita ditindas di seluruh dunia?. jangan sampai kat akhirat nanti, kita menyesal sebab terleka."
............................................................................................................................................................. kata kuncinya "jangan sampai nanti menyesal"...

rant ep 17: tepuk dada, percuss paru-paru..ahai

assalamualaikum dan salam ramadhan...
apa khabar iman anda hari nie??masih bersemangat mengejar mutaba'ah amal..baguslah~~

this post was made after a tragic story of mine...
hari tu, ada kawan post yg dia pegi satu program kat USIM, and there, one of the guest was the awesome, extraordinary person,..AIMAN AZLAN...when i read her FB status, i was like.."ohmaigod, she's very lucky"

{ai..ai..aiman azlan?}

"..and she added that "tak kenal pun sapa tu aiman azlan, dengar2 dia Vlogger"..
and i was like "what??you don't know that famous vlogger..?? yang seangkatan A.Y.A.M (angkatan youtubers anak malaysia) bak kata ANWAR HADI..segeng ngan MATLUTHFI skali... fikiran jahat kata, "rumah xde youtube ek" (ok,maybe x sejahat nie)

{hello???}

dan selepas itu, the good side of me start to question myself...

whey anakabahman yang berlagak up-to-date..

so what if you know all those feymes vloggers??

berlagak sangat, kau kenal tak sape tu prof tariq ramadhan??

{ehe??}

ko kenal x sape mufti menk??

{ufufu..}

ko kenal x sape dr MAZA?

kenal tak ulamak2 besar dunia??

{terbakar..terbakar}

maka,anakabahman yang masih diberi kenikmatan berfikir dengan seluruh hemisfera cerebrum,cerebellum etc...guna akal + otak sebelum mengecop, dan mula muhasabah diri..nak jumpa Allah kat akhirat kena kerja keras,,tauk??

{keazaman yg bukan main2}

rant ep 16: me being me

assalamualaikum..
if you're looking for something for ramadhan, i would really apologize because this is not one of them..
will be ranting on that later,insyaAllah..after reading more...sekarang bekalan nak menulis tak banyak sih..

(matlamat yang sangat payah untuk dicapai...but impossible is nothing!!)

so, me being me~~
teringat once before, masa kem motivasi?? with my lovely batchmates, we played a games where we got a chance to write a word to describe our friends...
and there, on my paper, it says FRANK!! (apart of those "banyak mulut", suka cerite, suka gelak, gelak besar(oii,tgk saiz la), and garang tampan (ok,ini sangat pelik))..

at first, i was like,...woit, sape dah lama sangat idup berani tulis camnie?
because in my opinion, FRANK is like an ejekan rather than a compliment..tak ke?

but then, THAT friend told me that, that is the feature of me which she liked the most..
pelik kan?? but if you know her, you won't be surprised..

so, i guess at the end, i'm totally agreed with her..
i'm so FRANK,..i show my true color to everyone..
when i'm sad, i looked gloomy..
when i'm mad, i looked on fire..
when i'm tired and sleepy, don't you dare disturb me

i tot that's good because everyone will know how i feel, and they'll accept me for it..
just like my best friend did, (even tho she hate that part of me, but she said she can deal with it)

then, i realise...
not everyone can be as open as my friend since some people are soft-hearted and kind, so they get irritated easily with my perangai..
and i shouldn't be as FRANK since i may break some heart (which i really hate to do)

so, for new month resolution (it's ramadhan).. i wish to be a soft-spoken friend who existence is full of warmth..even without talking, people feel so comforted...since i'm not good with word (i'm harsh with words, can't find a solution for this)..

in conclusion:
1-to not always say or write on facebook of my feeling since it's too frank
2-to "tapis" myself from giving advice because in most cases, damages were done rather than soothing effect
3-to be warm-hearted...somethimes actions works wayyyy better than words..

Bak kata pepatah Arab, “Bersahabat dengan penjual minyak wangi, kita akan menerima percikan wangiannya, manakala bersahabat dengan tukang besi, percikan apinya akan mencarikkan baju kita.”

p/s: of cos, this only aplied to akhawat..
p/s/s: realise that i can't find the perfect balance between being kasar and manja..because at one time, i'm giler kasar (esp bile dengar rap song..yo!) and another, i'm too manja (esp with budak usrah yang memang saje jer nak memanja..haish)..need to find the control button,fast!!

rant ep 15: exam toxicity

assalamualaikum and howdy,peeps..

this is me pouring all the feeling over the exam prep, which i don't know what i will turn out to be when i came out of the toxicity next 3 weeks..

ya.. i know this is so wrong since i should be studying instead of doing finger tutting on the keyboard....this is what i called a "coffee break" session..

sorry to say, but i am bored of this cycle...revision, eating, internet, sleeping,revison, revision.. the same thing repeated things that make me wanna say "ey, malaslah".. but that is not gonna happen, insyaAllah, as i had a promise to myself that i am not gonna make way for people to say, "arghh, kata daie, exam result hancuss"
ahaha..so not gonna happen girl.. unless Allah wanted it to be...

like i said, tring to break the cycle is want i really wanted to do, but hye, if and only if i can passed the professional exam without having to revise and read everything, ... which is as possible as me, liking the taste of fresh tomato..eww(read: very unlikely)

what i wanna do after this is a very good question.. but to get a perfect answer is not something i can guarantee ..i always feel like i am not a very good planner, eventhough the saying goes, fail to plan is planning to fail,.. this seems not to suite me well,.. i am someone who just follow the gut.. when i feel like doing something, i should do it on that particular moment..sighh..

there is an imaginary list of things i really hope i shall be able to commit on the not-even-1-month holidays... and the highlight would be trying to involve with DnT in my hometome... i wish to get to know those asatizah n syuyuz (not sure if the spelling is right).. hoping to get fresh ideas and inspiration for the sake of me, my adek2 and the upcoming juniors...

so long, this should be a short one actually, but hye, i can't stop the pouring idea, we might end up breaking up and this blog will have no more post onward since the ideas and me are no more..

guess that's all i wanna rant on...do read, and think, and take the good moral value (if there's any)
have a good day, for now..and don't forget to pray for me and my lovely 2nd batch mbbs classmates for our success in this professional exam..

peace,smile and say alhamdulillah