rant ep 20: is it ok to cry?

assalamualaikum, dearest friends...

it's post exam and like always,..i felt like a douche bag who had just ruined her life by not studying enough for the exam and had failed to answer properly..

and like always, i left the ward smiling..

smiling on the outside but bleeding on the inside...

came back to maidam and discover mat lutfi's latest video which was damn awesome...

talking about him graduating and stuff...giving advice how he survive the period..

and left an impression...

"if you feel lazy to study, call your mum, you'll be re-inspired after that"

makes me jealous...

i rarely call maa and pour out all my problems,,

because i feel like it's selfish to add the burden on her..

i mean, maa also had serious trouble she had to handle right?

so, the big question is??

is it ok to call her and cry, whining about my life when i know maa's was not a bed of roses either...

i mean, well, she is my dearest maa..

which mean, i had the privilege of calling her and let go of all the misery out of me..

especially when she had alot of experience in life..

eventhough maa probably never had the same experience, but she is my maa afterall,

.....

but still, i had that doubt in mind...

because i really, really loves her..

and i don't want her to worry about me..

and knowing my mum, when she gets worried, she get attached to it and start to get disturbed by it..

and to make my maa getting obsessively worry about me, ..will be the last thing i want to do

~at the end of writing this, i still strongly believe i should not call her and whines..sheessh~